Notes From the Blender

I find myself in the odd space over the last few weeks of wanting time to simultaneously speed up and slow down. I have just finished my annual wonderful crazy production marathon that is The Bistro Awards, and am heading straight into my first (and at this rate only)big dance competition. Scattered in between these events are meetings for upcoming projects, clean up from our string of nutty weather, impending houseguests, and just the daily stuff of living. And after all this? After all this...well...I’m not entirely sure.  Yes, I have things coming up, but as always at the end of a crazy busy spurt there is change. This makes me nervous.

I am trying my hardest to stay “In the Moment”. I suck at being in the moment. The hamster in the wheel that runs my brain is always jumping six spaces ahead of where I am at any given time. The hamster is fond of spiraling disaster narratives. To calm the feeling of onrushing chaos I find myself repeating a mantra I heard on NPR’s On Being, Now. Here. This. It helps to remind myself that I cannot control anything but the here and now, and sometimes not even that. All I can do is breathe and  move forward taking things as they come. Life will happen, and I will figure it out.

Tomorrow I will get up and sing and dance and plan for the furture. But for here and now, in the calm eye of my own personal hurricane there is only this, the small indulgences of a piece of cake and a movie night with Spawn. The rest can wait.